For this Buffalo Bills Fan, there’s nothing better…or worse then football season.

Depending on when you read this I may either be joyous, miserable or a ball of tension and nerves. There’s a good possibility I’m all three. And it’s all because of a National Football team: the Buffalo Bills.

If you are even a casual watcher of the conundrum that is the NFL you will know everyone who’s anyone is picking the Buffalo Bills to go all the way this season. The Bills are taking the AFC Championship, Josh Allen is going to be the MVP and hoist the Lombardi trophy at the end of Super Bowl 57. This is the picture so many sports analysts, betting guru’s and armchair quarterbacks are painting.

For members of the Bills Mafia it is a picture that has been out of reach since wide right. Many a head has hit the pillow with visions of a victory parade in Buffalo where the street becomes a river of LaBatt, blue and red is everywhere and the cheers of ‘Go Bills!’ are echoed from every corner of the city.

You may say this is the dream of every city with an NFL team, but you would be wrong. Trust me when I say that there will NEVER in the history of any sporting event be a town and fandom happier than those of the Buffalo Bills. Go ahead and tell me I’m wrong, I know for a fact I’m not.

I am so positive that you will never see a celebration like that of the Bills Mafia because I am not only a member of said Mafia, but a member that grew up outside of the city (and state) her entire life. Just the inkling that this year could be the closest we have been to taking home the ring has me doing deep breathing exercises to ward off a possible heart attack.

The fact that everyone and their mother’s bestie thinks the Bills are going to do it does not help my anxiety at all. I thought I would be used to this by now, as it’s a well known fact that being a fan of the Bills is putting the health of your heart and mental stability at severe risk. This is not a joke, you should ask the people who have watched games with me. (Heck, ask my dog, who gets so stressed watching me watch games he goes into anxiety driven body shakes. After 14 years of living with me I have to actually leave my house to watch the games because I think I will literally kill my dog.)

Usually, I’m not in agreement with the fanbase about this being “our year.” It is the perk of never having lived in the city where the team plays: I’m an insider who lives on the outside and can form opinions based off of what I see and my own analysis. Over the years I’ve been dead on when it comes to my team, my players, my coaching staff and the outcomes.

And since the Bills had been so under the radar some people forgot they were a team, I could happily make my predictions and no one cared. Until Josh Allen did what I predicted and started to break out big time in his third season. Suddenly everyone was paying attention, suddenly everyone cared what I thought. And worse, they had actual opinions and expectations of their own that weren’t just tired old jokes or insults.

I almost liked it better when we were ignored.

The Bills know how to be ignored. Being the underdog was their bread and butter, the team and fandom you could root for and not spend too much time on. It made being a fan easy and only mildly irritating when people showed their outdated ignorance.

Now…

Now everyone has expectations and anything less than a Super Bowl win will mean utter failure and “I told you so’s” from people that didn’t give two craps two years ago. It won’t make me feel different about my team, but boy will it get under my skin.

The Bills have always had an oversized influence on my mood and mental health. I’m not ashamed to admit it. We go way back, the Bills and me. I can also admit that there is not too much I love more than this team.

And everyone here in Maryland knows I’ve put in the time. It takes a special stubbornness, loyalty, grit, and stupidity to stick with a team no one else is ever rooting for especially when your town gets a Super Bowl winning team, yes two times over. Whatever.

I wouldn’t trade the ride the Bills have given me for anything, and I haven’t. I’ve taken the abuse of rooting for a team with 4 Super Bowl losses in a row, a 17 year drought, crumbling in the last 13 seconds and constant losses to my least favorite cheating team. But it hasn’t been easy.

Thursday marks the beginning of my nervous, anxiety-filled, worried, pacing descent into what is the greatest and worst possible 5 months (with playoff and Super Bowl extension) of my year. This is the first year I truly believe the Bills can go all the way — and everyone knows I don’t want them in the Super Bowl unless they win it all. I’ll be on pins and needles the entire time. No doubt there will be times when I will be screaming into a pillow and wanting to punch a hole in a wall. It’s the same every year. This year though, this year could be THE YEAR…..

When the confetti falls on this year’s Super Bowl winners I can only be sure of one thing:

Win or lose, it’s always going to be Go Bills!